Tell God

Like many young boys of my era growing up, I smoked my first full cigarette at around ten years of age and I loved it. By the time I was fifteen they were very much part of my life and remained so until I was almost forty.  Especially did I love them when drinking alcohol.   Just a few months before I met the Lord Jesus, however, I began to take a serious look at my alcoholic consumption, plus behavior and made the decision one morning to never get drunk again.  This decision resulted in less drinking but not less smoking. 

I developed a preference to roll my own later in life too, partly because it was cheaper but mainly because I loved the smell of fresh tobacco.  I still do.  When the Lord did come into my life it gradually became clearer that He had a better way for me to live.  So I was glad that the attraction for alcohol abuse had diminished, plus the fact that my attraction to blasphemy and filthy language was quickly on the way out as well.  But not so, my attraction for nicotine.  I wanted this practice to remain, so I continually came up with “valid” excuses & justifications to myself as to why it should remain.  

One late afternoon I set off for a near two-hour drive across town to play at a night club.  Sitting in a long cue at traffic lights I rolled a cigarette.  As I was completing the task I found myself saying, “Lord, I don’t want to do this anymore, it is a dirty habit and I believe it dishonors You Who lives in me.”  I did not know the Scripture 1 Corinthians 6:19 at the time but strongly felt the truth of it, based on the deep, indescribable inner peace that I had been experiencing since Christ came into my life those few months earlier.  However, as the traffic started to move off I put the lighter to the cigarette and inhaled.

I will never forget God’s immediate answer to that prayer!  Upon inhaling that smoke, I instantly experienced the most vile, foul, putrid taste in my mouth – shocking!  I quickly pulled it from my lips and dumped it in the ash tray.  It could not have been a quicker action had it been an explosive in my hand.  This was the second time I had experienced an immediate answer to prayer from the Lord, the first having been His two instant physical healings to my body (see my About page) some time earlier.  Just like the people I had been reading about in the gospels when encountering the Lord – I marveled.

The taste left my mouth later, but not my thoughts on the experience.  Then about thirty minutes from my destination other thoughts entered my head – extreme, powerful thoughts of doubt – “It couldn’t be.  You are imagining yourself.  Who do you think you are?  Where are you at?”  I entertained those thoughts, big time.  So much so that I heard myself saying, “Yeah, it couldn’t be.  You are imagining it. Try it again and see.”  So I did. I rolled another cigarette, lit it, inhaled and the same thing happened exactly as it had seventy minutes earlier.  The decision to doubt my Lord grieved me.  It was not to be the last time, but it certainly was one of the first times when I knew without doubt that I had entertained Satan himself.

By the grace of God, I have never touched another cigarette since that time, twenty-four years ago.  But it is only by the grace of God.  One night I was playing in a club and the smell of booze and cigarette smoke was very enticing.  It still is.  From the stage I looked towards our table and my eyes became fixed on a pack of cigarettes belonging to a colleague.  I said to myself, “As soon as this set finishes, I’m going to have one of those.”  That was my full intention.  Standing up at the table, I reached for the pack only to feel a gentle tap on my shoulder and a male voice saying, “Excuse me, do you mind if I talk to you for a moment?  I’d like to ask about your playing.” 

We stood chatting together for the duration of the break, about twenty minutes.  Back up on that stage later, I thought about that cigarette and the fact that I did not have it, nor by now did I want it.  This was my third known experience of the biblical promise being fulfilled in my life, that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able, but with that temptation He promises a way of escape so that we are able to bear it 1 Corinthians 10:13.  How blessed I have been to experience the reality of that promise in other areas of temptation too.  On the other hand, how grieved I’ve been when yielding to temptations.  If inhaling cigarette smoke was the worst thing I could ever do before God, my struggles would be over … but…….

Although he failed to live up to his own words, a pastor was later to teach us that the Lord Jesus knows the very worst about us, “so hide nothing from Him.  Keep nothing back.”   Knowing who and what I had been before I turned to Christ, the words of that pastor began to make sense to me.  The foolishness of trying to justify any ungodly thoughts, words and actions dawned upon me and as a result, I have forever marveled at God’s great grace and mercy when I do tell him.  One time (but not the last) during prayer, some blasphemous and filthy thoughts cut across my mind and I said, “My Lord God, what is that?”

The biblical answer immediately came from John 15:3 where Jesus tells His followers that we are already clean because of His word, but I also felt a strong impression from Him saying, “Don’t confuse what is around you with what is in you.”  I received that as from the Lord because it lined up the Scripture given, plus, we know the cunning wiles and deceptive tactics of Satan the devil and the fact that we are in a spiritual battle.  The devil loves to play God with our conscience so we must be able to discern and distinguish between what is conviction from the Holy Spirit and what is condemnation from Satan.  If we don’t, he’ll have us for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

Although this post gives testimony to my instant deliverance from nicotine addiction, the last thing I want to suggest or imply is that God will do exactly the same for other smokers, Christian or otherwise.  In the marvelous dealings of God, smoking is not the issue on God’s current agenda for some of His people.  He may deliver them if they cry out, He may not.  I’ve shared this story with people over the years and although some were blessed by hearing it, they still smoke and I do not judge them.  But I have encouraged them to, “hide nothing from God, keep nothing back” and to avoid the temptation to make excuses or justifications before God.

Some Christians are afraid to tell the Lord the very worst about themselves.  They will confess certain things to Him, but often, not the worst thing.  Whether it be ignorance, doubt, unbelief or holding to faulty concepts of God, there seems to be a failure to trust Him fully.  We must know by experience that the very worst is already covered by the blood of Jesus.  In other words, there is not one ugly sinful thought, word or act that Jesus did not take care of by His death on that cross two thousand years ago.  The reason God wants us to personally tell Him about our areas of temptation, is so that we can be led into the way of freedom from all that seeks to trap and snare. 

There is many a Christian whose heart condemns them who are totally missing out on the experiential reality that God is greater than their heart and knows all things 1 John 3:20.  What sort of a taste does that leave in His mouth?  As Christians, we must cast out all guilt, shame and condemnation and the only way that we can successfully do so is to tell the Lord the worst.  Fear, worry, doubt and unbelief is the worst for some.  Tell God.  Drunkenness, nicotine and drug abuse is the worst for some.  Tell God.  Perpetrating mental and physical violence is the worst for some.  Tell God.  Sexual perversion, pedophilia & pornography addiction is the worst for some.  Tell God.  Dirty business dealings, corruption and stealing are the worst for some.  Tell God.

Christian people have asked me to pray with them over the years and when asked what is it they want prayer for, their response has been, “God already knows.”  I’ve then asked, “Have you told God about this?”  Again, the response has been, “No. God already knows.”  In Matthew 20:29-34 two blind men asked Jesus for mercy.  Jesus responded with a question asking them what it was that they wanted Him to do.  They told Him they wanted to receive their sight.  Jesus knew that.  But He wanted to hear it from their mouths as well.  Tell God.  “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus………For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1-2.