Many years ago I was chatting with a neighbor across the street who had recently had the front of his home sand-blasted so as to remove years-old paint from the bricks. The age of the home was around one hundred years and with the finishing touches he was putting to it, I mentioned to him that all was looking great. He nodded in agreement and then said, “Yes, it’s important, because this is how others assess you.” Further conversation showed him endeavoring to assess himself rather highly too … especially with regards his corporate management job and lovely motorcar. It appeared the man was consumed by concerns for what others thought of him.
Reading an article on social pressures years ago, two elderly ladies come to mind. One said that if she was given the opportunity to have her life over again, “it would be very, very different. I would live it for me and not for others.” She was not implying forms of selfishness, she was referring to the fact that it had been a life lived mainly to satisfy the expectations and opinions of other people. The other lady said, “I still can’t get, ‘what will others think of you?’ out of my head.” It had been placed there at a young age by her parents and added to by her peers, teachers, bosses and society in general. She bought a new coat once. Someone told her that they didn’t like it so she never wore it again. It ended up in a charity shop years after the event. She liked that coat!
One doesn’t have to look too deeply into the lives of others on this matter, however. There are very few of us who couldn’t relate to what was going on in the heads of these people. We’re all victims of the same stuff no matter where it comes from. Until I met the Lord Jesus Christ, a great bulk of my life was lived the same way. There are many reasons why I find the Lord Jesus to be the most fascinating Person ever to stride into the human race, but one of them is His total lack of concern for the thoughts, expectations and opinions of others who did/do not like or agree with Him. Another reason is – it is His desire that all who call Him Lord would be delivered from these concerns too.
Having said this, it is a sad reality that many people who do call Him Lord are trapped by these concerns and give all appearances of remaining so. For the purposes of this post, I’m calling such concerns … “Looking Good.” Go into any church today and one will find lots of Christians trapped in Looking Good. For some, it starts with driving into the church car-park. Park car, handbrake on, gear-shift into ‘park’/ ‘neutral’, engine off, open door, fix eyes on first person seen, eyes open wide, big smile, strong hand-shake or hug (or both) and in answer to the question, “How are you? Good to see you,” it is, “Great … bless the Lord. Never better … bless the Lord.” And the response will usually be, “Hallelujah brother, praise the Lord, good to hear it, amen.”
Some Christians expressing these things are not Looking Good. They have been or are in the processes of being released from such pretense and therefore mean every word and act they express … but, such people are few and far between. It is not the normal Christian life. At one of the churches I attended, everyone loved it when Harry (not his real name) greeted them at the door. He was everything described in the above paragraph. One day the pastor and others upset Harry. I got to witness Harry’s responses. He dropped his Looking Good and the real Harry showed up. It was never addressed however, because the leadership was into Looking Good too.
I was a member of another church for nearly seven years that had a couple of fellowships within it – one on my side of town, the other some distance across town. No matter whether I visited his fellowship or he visited ours, one of the elders always greeted me with a big smile, strong hand-shake, coupled with, “Good to see you, bless the Lord, how are you?” I always thought he could have been Looking Good though, because in all those years he never ever greeted me by my name or ever mentioned my name in any of our conversations. Perhaps he was. Some years after I left that church we were in each other’s presence at two gatherings. At the first gathering three words were expressed by him; at the second – no words.
My wife and I sat under another pastor who was big on Looking Good. He said all the “right things” when having his always-very-brief Sunday morning after-service chat with us, but we knew the man was struggling with reality. He used all the common Christian-speak terminology but there was no spiritual unity between us. And like most church fellowships, the “me and you” mentality between “clergy and laity” was so deeply ingrained in his institutional system, that it allowed no room for my wife and I to have any input into his life. But for twenty minutes or so up on that pulpit every Sunday morning, he came across as one having it altogether – and most of the folk in their assessments believed he did.
So why are so many Christian people heavily into Looking Good. I see it as part of institutional church culture. Most people know it’s not the way it should be, but they do it nevertheless. It appears to be the unspoken, “way we do things around here.” One reason for this, I believe, has to do with the one whom we follow. In my post: UnScriptural Religious Traditions & Church Programs I make mention of the fact that most Christians expect their leader to be the one person who’s got it all together in God … and they think he has. They think this way because he is the one who imparts that impression to them. The result of that being that their eyes become fixed more on him than on the Lord.
This is the situation in most churches throughout the western world and will continue to be so right up until the end. It cannot be any other way for men-pleasers and men-followers because of the principle that underpins “like begets like.” You will become like the one you intend to follow. Therefore, since the need for belonging is far greater for people in churches than the need for Truth, both parties find Looking Good much easier all around. If this were not so, the evidence would be there to inspect. This is one reason why we have all sorts of biblical compromises and strange doctrines spewing forth in the name of God, love, tolerance and respect. A leader who refuses to get real cannot lead his people into reality.
On the other hand, the leader who decides he wants to get real with the biblical Lord Jesus will be shown his Looking Good along the way. He will be shown that he has allowed himself to be trapped by his practice of pretense. He will see that even though Satan the devil had a hand in it, he is the one who chose to put stumbling blocks on the pathway to reality, spiritual freedom and liberty. He will also be shown the part he has played in causing his church to further embrace Looking Good as well. In other words, they came in to his fellowship Looking Good, but he has added to it. Whilst he will find this extremely painful to deal with, he will deal with it under the Holy Spirit’s ministry to him.
From here, a couple of things could happen to this man. If he should publicly give testimony to the church about his Looking Good and repent before them for playing his part in adding to theirs, they may well turn to him for ministry, support and deliverance – or – turn against him. It is a risk he is willing to take, nevertheless, because just like his brother Christian, in Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress, he’s a new man after having his burden loosed from his shoulders. Since Looking Good fell off his back he now gets greater insight into what it truly means to be free, spiritually, mentally, morally and even physically! He would not change what he’s coming into for anything in all the world.
Being “the leader” (pastor, elder, reverend etc) no longer has its steel-like grip on him either. Positions of power and authority and the use of titles mean nothing to him anymore. Why not? Because the Lord has shown him that real power and authority is spiritual – not positional, titled or any other kind. The man never knew that before. He wasn’t taught that in seminary or Bible college, he was taught the opposite in fact. But now he sees the truth of it, big time! He now knows that when he comes up against the devil or one of his henchmen, no longer are they able to walk all over him as they once did and continue to do his peers who are caught up in Looking Good.
For Christian people who decide they will shed themselves from the lie of Looking Good, it needs to be said that each will seen by others as Looking Bad! It matters not if the others are Christians, each will need to settle it once and for all … that is how they will be perceived. Because they no longer do or say what others are doing or saying, but rather, do it or say it for what it really is, others will find them threatening. Human nature hates being threatened, so as a result they will be branded, labelled, maligned and whispered about. And when it’s Christian people doing that, they will do it using Christian-speak, “backed up” by plenty of Scriptures.
What to do then? Bless them and pray for them. Somewhere along the way the Holy Spirit may use your witness to touch some of them profoundly. They too will begin to see Looking Good for what it is and will press into God to have it lifted from their back as well. God is no respecter of persons, what He’s given to one He wants to give to all. Why? Because to be truly conformed to Christ’s image we must be set free from the thoughts, expectations and opinions of others. For that to be a reality, however, like our Lord we must also know what it’s like to suffer the same branding, labeling, maligning etc. “…….If anyone desires to follow Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” Matthew 16:24-25. “……do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind……” Romans 12:2.